Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
