GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
