Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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