Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
