I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
