This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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