never play flip cup with pint glasses
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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