Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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