"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
