He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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