ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
