So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
