Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
