I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
