I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
