dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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