I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize