i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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