WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
