On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
