Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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