well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
