I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
