And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
