YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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