Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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