i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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