i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
