Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
