I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
