he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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