what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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