Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
