Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
