I was born with a shot glass in my hand
now i know why i became what i already was.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
