wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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