i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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