Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
