I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
