Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
