I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
