help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
