So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
