Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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