Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
