I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
