I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
