Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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