When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
