i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
