dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
