The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
