guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
