How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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