It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
