went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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