am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
