I hope mine doesn't look like that
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
