ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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