a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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