so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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