i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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