yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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