i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
is it fun? or sober?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
