Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
