Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
