Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
