and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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