You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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