i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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