dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
