Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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