sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
