idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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