you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
