she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
