im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
