i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize