Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
