Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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