There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
