he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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