Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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