I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
