tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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