Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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