All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize