All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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