haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
