clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
