6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
