Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
