Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
