He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
