you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I deserve this hangover.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
