the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize