Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
