i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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