Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
