...so i touched it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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