I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
