I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
