Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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