Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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