No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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