my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
