I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
