operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
