hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
