so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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