just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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