I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
