Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
