why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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