ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
