I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize