I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
