I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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