I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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